Selected Excerpt from Grover’s Memoir, “Deep, Blue Something”

29 May

INTRODUCTION

Hello, everybodeeeeeeeeee!

Writing a book is very hard! Every time I open my laptop and say to myself, “Self, you are going to put lots of words in this white space right now!” all the white space does is look white all day. All the memories want to dance first and they are all so wonderful I cannot choose which one is best! But then I wonder if it should be happy or sad. Then I think of sad things, and I am sad. Then I eat a cookie or a banana and I feel better! But then it is time to brush my teeth and go to bed. So I do. And I wake up the next day to tell my editor that I will try extra hard right after a good breakfast! He says I have already missed three deadlines, and there are no special deadlines for monsters, even furry, lovable ones! He is so funny! So today is the day I make him very happy to have me as a client! Look at how many things I have said!

Perhaps I should look out the window. I have heard that is what writers do. I do not know why. Maybe they see something. Oh! Pretty butterfly! In the distance is Kermit the Frog interviewing the letter C. I like Kermit. Kermit is a very nice person! Everyone on Sesame Street is nice! Even Oscar the Grouch is nice, once you get to know him! He is just grumpy sometimes. He was never the same after Mr. Hooper went away. I miss Mr. Hooper too. Sad again….

Happy now!

A lot of people ask me about Elmo. Critics say he is a cheap knockoff of me and Telly. I do not know about that. He is a sweet kid who means well. He deserves all of his success. The only thing I do not like is his voice. He talks like a baby! I keep telling him to be himself. Our audience is children, not babies! But he says that is his character, what he calls a conscious affectation, like when I purposely do not use contractions. I remind him that what I do is subtle and not blatant. Oh, well. It is his personal choice. He will find his way!

Writing is fun! I have so much to tell you about my life. I cannot believe it is mine! Ha ha! Just then I was thinking about something that happened in the 1970s. It was a wackier time. I was working as a waiter in a restaurant and there was this customer who ordered a hamburger. Mm-hm. Yeah. So I brought him a hamburger. I was a good waiter! But he complained it was too small! I told him that he did not want the big hamburger and I did not know why it was still on our menu. He insisted, though. So I said okay and went into the kitchen to tell the cook. Wow! I thought the cook was going to swallow his own eyes! All of a sudden it was like the whole building wanted to get up and walk away! But he cooked the big burger, and when it was finished, I took it back into the dining area. I had to carry it in both arms, it was so large! Ha ha! You had to be there. They used to do stuff like that at discos too. Anyway, that was just one of many jobs I have had. I have even made record albums!

There is lots to talk about, but right now I am sleepy again. Outside the sky is dark, and fireflies are forming the number 12. Which is funny, because there are only 11 fireflies. No, there are 12 fireflies. Oh, where is Count when you need him!

It is at moments like this where I am very happy. The house is quiet. The fish are sleeping. Good fish. I close my eyes too. And then I am in the sky, flying over my life. I am at rest. I am at peace. I am…Super Grover.

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